Symptoms and signs: extensive quoting from scripture as verification or proof in argumentation, carefully controlled sincerity in tone and facial expression, use of archaic speech forms, repeated threats of hellfire and eternal damnation for those who disagree.
Etiology: hereditary familial disturbance involving exaggerated fidelity to nonacademic texts, often exacerbated by ecclesiastical and parochial school authorities. Students often warned about harmful effects of academically approved courses of study in philosophy and history (thematized as "Satan's work") on superstition (called "religious faith"). Related to inappropriate authorities.
Treatment: rationalazapam (Thumpnot), libidinol (Freudamine). May require supplemental doses of pedagorine (Apple-a-Day).
Prognosis: mixed. Some cases respond quickly to rationalazapam, especially in conjunction with academically approved courses of study in philosophy and history; others to libidinol in conjunction with study in American, English, or comparative literature. Especially virulent strains will resist all PAP, and can only be kept within marginally acceptable bounds with heavy doses of pedagorine. Special cases (dean's approval required) may yield to careful application of the Nietzschean Wangensteen.
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Copyright 1992 Doug Robinson and Bill Kaul