Ontolophene sulfate

(RealThing Z). 4 mg/ml injection I.V. Note: administration must be accompanied by vigorous application of Nichtheimlich Maneuver (sharp slap on mandibular region with open palm), which dislodges any fantasies stuck in cortex and allows full penetration of ontolophene.

Effects: immediately blocks ability to fantasize. Combines well with directalis in controlling daydreaming and other digressive diseases.

Side effects: may produce (especially without concomitant administration of secondary medication) severe anxiety related to the unmediated perception of total unbuffered reality.

Contraindicated: in chronic cases requiring prolonged administration. For immediate intervention only.

Typical abuse: Blakean mystics, poets, economists, and other incurable fantasists often administer ontolophene sulfate (slang name "Man From Porlock") intravenously to themselves and their colleagues, with or without knowledge of same.

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Copyright 1992 Doug Robinson and Bill Kaul