Obedioflavin bromide

(BootCamp 500). 5 mg tablet as needed.

Effects: soothes tendentious tendencies in order to promote a healthy willingness to follow instructor's lead in everything. Similar to authoritotropin in encouraging deferential behavior, but is directed specifically against rebelliousness, iconoclasm, inappropriate competition, and contextual thinking. Developed to treat critical thinking, but has proved effective with casuistry, connectivitis, divergent interpretation, and parody as well.

Side effects: may incapacitate students for independent research, especially if they are asked to write on a subject (and at a length) of their own choosing, find and select their own secondary sources, and visit the library whenever they like. Some students may need booster injections of sodium phenoknowital.

Contraindicated: when a rooster lays eggs.

Typical abuse: this is the drug of "choice" among fraternity and sorority pledges. Several obedioflavin bromide overdoses have been recorded in connection with initiation rituals ("hazing"). Staff and students of ROTC programs have been known to stockpile obedioflavin as well.

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Copyright 1992 Bill Kaul and Doug Robinson

Copyright violators will be required to submit to one-year obedioflavin course