Authoritotropin

(Deferentine D). 50 mg b.i.t. Take only after you have cleaned your plate.

Effects: channels student energies into socially acceptable forms of deferential behavior, including courteous address to institutional superiors (including but not restricted to teachers), by suppressing: (a) doubts, qualms, reservations about authoritative utterances; (b) subliminal antiauthoritarian reflexes; (c) any inclination to test authoritative utterances against personal experience (vide personalism). Was developed to treat divergent interpretation, but has proved effective against other digressive/rebellious disorders as well, including casuistry, critical thinking, and parody.

Side effects: may cause confusion or disorientation in students faced with conflicting authority figures, such as professors who favor rationalism and parents or clergy who favor spiritualism. May be cautiously supplemented with pedagorine and/or trihexypapamine.

Contraindicated: never.

Typical abuse: ROTC, intercollegiate athletics.

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Copyright 1992 Doug Robinson and Bill Kaul