Melancholinexin bisulfate

(Drysister). 300 mg in time-release capsules.

Effects: acts upon the lachrymal nerves to block tear production and discharge. Does not treat underlying symptoms: student will still feel like crying but will be unable to do so.

Side effects: high dosages of melancholinexin have been linked to suicide in laboratory animals.

Contraindicated: in connection with appreciazone. These two drugs are dangerously incompatible, and at high concomitant doses may lead to psychotic behaviors found normally only among medical students.

Typical abuse: university presidents and chancellors during acute budget crises.

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