(Lachrymore's Simplex)

Description and type: tears in class. Digressive/repressive disorder.

Symptoms and signs: student cries at trivial provocations, such as low grades (B or below), instructor or peer ridicule. Typically a female disorder.

Etiology: related to that of anger, but gender-differentiated. Stubborn refusal to relinquish power to vested social authorities generates frustration, which males are sociobiologically coded to express as anger, females as crying. Some unnatural members of each gender will display behavior appropriate to the opposite gender: inverted men will cry, inverted women will express anger.

Treatment: melancholinexin bisulfate (Drysister).

Prognosis: treatable in most cases. Extreme cases may require temporary hospitalization.

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Copyright 1992 Doug Robinson and Bill Kaul