Detentiamine

(StayAfter). 100 mg t.i.d. Take one-half hour before waking up and one-half hour after going to sleep.

Effects: resets student's mental clock so as to shift penal detention period after class to anticipatory period immediately before class, thus introjecting punitive guilt and shame into class preparations. Student will arrive not only on time, but between five and ten minutes early; introjected guilt and shame will induce various preparatory activities, such as wiping board, straightening desks, and straightening and cleaning instructor's table and podium. Effective with tardiness, for which it was developed; but has had beneficial effects on lurking and waiting as well.

Side effects: introjected guilt and shame may cause excess apologizing upon instructor's arrival in class (for psychological tardiness, for perceived inadequacies in preparing the classroom for use, etc.). Cautious supplementation with phenomumital may be beneficial.

Contraindicated: in conjunction with barfoline sulfate suspension; the mental and physical reorientation caused by detentiamine can easily escalate barfoline's nausea state into uncontrollable vomiting.

Typical abuse: Shift workers, people with 6 am flights, chronic oversleepers.

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Copyright 1992 Doug Robinson and Bill Kaul