(Antisoma 300). 25 mg tablet as needed to maintain intellectual malleability.

Effects: induces controlled state of malleability by blocking the perception of connections between past, present, and future, internal and external experience, body and mind, word and deed. Enables student not to perceive pathological constructions of reality; these constructions never existed and would have had no force even if they had. Disrupts neural networks of sense-making; generates anxiety symptoms at unapproved clarifications of confusion and prompts the articulation of "denial" (not-seeing), "mystification" (seeing-askew), and "decontextualization" (seeing-abstractly) to control anxiety. Enhances ability to diagnose pathological states in others by denying identical state in self; indeed generally a useful diagnostic medication for determination of concurrent pathological states of connective thinking. Effective with divergent interpretation and other digressive/rebellious disorders.

Side effects: may hamper ability to reject old superstitions in the face of scientific evidence produced by instructor. Treat with pedagorine. May also enhance chaos generators in brain stem and thus, especially with insufficient dosages, lead to critical thinking. Heavy supplemental dosages of directalis have in many cases proved beneficial.

Contraindicated: no.

Typical abuse: by the failures, losers, dropouts, and other sad peripherals in the university system, who call it "Not Me" or "I Never Did" or "(Not a) River in Egypt." Occasionally abused by more successful students after loss of football games, reporting of grades, loss of girlfriend (to hell with her) or fight with boyfriend (I'm not hurt).

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Copyright 1992 Bill "River in Egypt" Kaul and his buddy whose name I can't remember