Cerebrophenamide X

(Reasonil). 25 mg q.i.d. Swallow dry.

Effects: shuts down affective response to intellectual issues by subordinating the entire limbic system to the cerebral cortex. Student will not "stop feeling"--will instead "feel" the flat affect expected of scholars, a state phenomenologically identified as neutrality, dispassion, disinterest. Was developed to treat personalism, but has proved equally effective with anger, crying, ethnic and masscultural loyalism, inappropriate authorities, and pseudostupidity.

Side effects: may cause extreme dryness of eyes, throat, and skin; at high dosages blurred vision, choked speech, and cracked skin may result.

Contraindicated: in English majors, when an affective response to poetry is desired. In some cases, however, an English major's affective response will be excessive and may need to be tempered with small dosages of cerebrophenamide X.

Typical abuse: undergraduate math and natural science majors, graduate students in the behavioral and linguistic sciences.

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Copyright 1992 Doug Robinson and Bill Kaul