Trihexypapamine

(NoDad). Max. 60 mg/day.

Effects: rechannels deferential loyalties from obsolete, childish objects (parents, grandparents, clergy) to the proper academic authorities (professors, administrators). First induces shame at preacademic "traditions" that conflict with the university's mission, then gradually works to reconstruct shame as neglect, ultimately as forgetfulness. Originally developed to combat inappropriate authorities, the drug has has qualified success with ethnic and masscultural loyalism as well.

Side effects: in rare cases, trihexypapamine may undermine the student's respect for academic authorities as well. In such cases, supplement immediately with massive quantities of pedagorine.

Contraindicated: when respect for parents and other preacademic authorities is seamlessly conducive to respect for professors and administrators. Deference to preacademic authorities is never harmful per se; only when it conflicts with the university's mission.

Typical abuse: maladjusted students from rural-white or immigrant-ethnic backgrounds have been known to abuse trihexypapamine in a desperate attempt to "fit in" at the university. Overdoses, leading to garish attire and aggressive academicism, are not unheard-of among this student population.

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Copyright 1992 Bill Kaul and Doug Robinson