Effects: inhibits all language acquisition pathways except those myelinated for Standard American English. Causes student to sound like major network news anchor.
Side effects: may cause alarming decline in I.Q. (this will only become manifest through extensive testing). Supplement with sodium phenoknowital.
Contraindicated: in heavy-set Sicilians with facial necrosis, fibrinoid degeneration, and inflammation of the media and adventitia of medium-sized and small arteries. If administered accidentally to foreign-looking Americans, may cause premature brain death.
Typical abuse: graduate students before reading conference papers, visiting foreign professors, and readers of recorded messages on university answering machines.
Back to Prescriptions
Back to PDR
Copyright 1992 Bill Kaul and Doug Robinson