Xeroclonodase solution

(Expositron). 1 ml/day.

Effects: stimulates desire to imitate professorial writing styles while simultaneously enhancing the student's ability to do so. Fosters love for phrases like "of course," "however," "albeit," "on the one hand . . . on the other hand," "not insusceptible," and "I propose to argue that . . ." Sparks a restless quest for academic phrases in library books and periodicals, and, once one has been found, enhances its retention. Casts a soft romantic glow over the professor, master of academic discourse, and instils in the worshipful student a pathetic longing to emulate him/her in every way possible, especially in his/her discourse. Has proved the best possible treatment of plagiarism.

Side effects: in some sad cases, the peripheral imitation of professors has led to actual impersonation; the deluded student enters the classroom, walks to the podium, and begins the lesson before being interrupted by the instructor of record. Supplementary treatment with lineazolamide has been effective in such cases.

Contraindicated: during the full moon.

Typical abuse: graduate students are the primary abusers of xeroclonodase solution, especially when reading papers at academic conferences or, more chronically, when awarded teaching assistantships.

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Copyright, in fact, 1992, by Drs. Douglas Robinson and Emil W. Kaul