Reprobamate tablets n.f.

(Panacean G). 1 or 2 tablets q.i.d. Ingest only with ears plugged.

Effects: diminishes (in some cases completely inhibits) tendency toward deviant tonalizations of socially accepted patterns of speech and argumentation by interrupting neural tonal-comparison networks while inhibiting chaos generators in the brain stem. Restricts student to univocal, mechanized repetitions of institutionally approved phrases and intellectual operations. Effectively combats parody; may also be useful with symptoms related to casuistry, critical thinking, divergent interpretation, and personalism.

Side effects: may lead to plagiarism. Supplement with xeroclonodase solution.

Contraindicated: in music majors, especially singers and band and orchestra members, in whom tone deafness is undesirable.

Typical abuse: students writing research papers eat reprobamate tablets like candy. The primary black market for reprobamate, however, is among administrators, many of whom, hopelessly addicted to the drug, will refuse to write a memorandum without popping a handful.

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Copyright 1992 Bill Kaul and Doug Robinson