a. Reading/writing as masturbation

b. Teaching as seduction, rape

c. Learning as being sexually molested

d. Controlling text as defense against (memories of) incest, rape

e. Publishing as separation anxiety, empty nest syndrome

f. "Teachable moments" as orgasm

g. Classrooms, lesson plans as condoms

h. Notification of graduation, publication, honors as post coitum triste

I. Conferences as group sex (circle jerk; gangbang)

j. Tenure as marriage

k. Assessment (grades, student evaluations) as notches on the bedpost

l. Class presentations as striptease

m. Collective grading as editing pornography or pimping

n. "S/he's a good (student/teacher/fuck)."

o. Taking attendance as a pimp controlling his stable

p. Quantitative education/research as ranking babes from "1" to "10"

q. Committee meetings as the dysfunctional family

r. Teachers as whores, hooking for the good of the university

s. Professional attire as seductive clothing

t. Bolted-down desks and lecture format as b & d

u. Drills and tests as s & m

v. Academic Addictions as sex manual

w. Student orientation as "that talk" with your parents

x. First day of class as blind date from computer service

Y. LDs, ADDs, EMRs, etc. as STD's.

z. Sleeping in class/committee as impotence/frigidity

Back to Am I An Addict?

Copyright 1993 Doug Robinson and Bill Kaul